His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
send nudes
from the living room?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
