yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
