I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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