last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
