he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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