A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
last night I used snow as a chaser
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
