I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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