is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
