trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
