Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
