never play flip cup with pint glasses
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
