I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
