I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
