He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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