to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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