Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Randomize
