Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
