I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
