Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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