Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
