So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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