bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
