my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
