my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
operation have a gay friend backfired
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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