Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
