I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
