dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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