I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
