Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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