You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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