The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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