the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
