Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
His nipple licking is glorious
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