i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
You work out of a Hotel?
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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