I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
