ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
