note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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