just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Randomize
