dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
