do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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