Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
