Tell her she can't have a vagina
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
