Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
