i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
