peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
