How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
And then he peed in my hair
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