Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
