Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
