somebody snuck up and got me drunk
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
