So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
