We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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