I haven't been this sober since birth.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
