Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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