Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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